Wicked Witch of the West

I saw Wicked a week ago.  Yes, it was fabulous!!  I loved it. 

This week I'm moving.  (Insert groaning sound)  

So this picture was perfect........

If a week goes by and you haven't heard from me....start checking IN the boxes. 

Peer Pressue Isn't So Bad...Really!

Each night during the week my seven year old is reminded he has homework to do and each night I hear this, "Ugh! I hate homework!"  (insert whining noises)

You know the noises that drive you bat shit crazy in 2.2 seconds.  The ones that make you want to scream like a crazy person.  Things like...

"You hate homework?  Well you have at least 15 more years of it!  Get used to it."

"Oh you hate homework?  Well I hate scrubbing toothpaste off the sink each morning but you don't see me whining about it?"

"You do homework every single night, where's the big surprise here?"

Okay I just reread over those and there is a small chance I might be losing my mind, but I know a few Moms out there are shaking their heads in agreement.  Anyway...on to my great idea.  (insert evil laugh)

Tired of having the same argument and not wanting to hear any whining I devised a new plan.  muuuaahhhh!

Me: N guess what? I was talking to (insert name of a mother to one of his classmates) today and she said (insert students name) does all ten of the homework assignments on Monday, instead of spread out over the week.  Isn't that cool?
N: (silent)

I walked away and let that thought simmer in his mind.  Twenty minutes later, as N sat down in front of the computer to do his homework:

N: I'm going to do all ten assignments tonight, just like (students name) !

He did, two weeks in a row now.

If I use Peer Pressure for positive...that's okay, right?

Friends, Pronouns and Hair Loss

(or the other things the Divorce Books don't tell you about.)

So this week we've learned that I am a reader.  When I need an answer I scour the Internet, interrogate all my friends and read any book I can get my hands on.  This is the second time this week, the books have left me empty handed.
There's a side to Divorce they don't cover in the books.  Neither pro nor con, just a subject left untouched by the How To Divorce books.  Leave it to me to open the door and bring it all out in the open. 

1.This started very early on in the process.  Naturally tongue tied, a genetic trait passed on by my Mother and Aunt who are forever calling out the wrong child names, I too have become confused in my ripe old age of 36.  After the separation though my biggest hurdle was PRONOUNS.  Now I must confess I've attempted to write this blog before, starting with a definition of a pronoun and was immediately more confused than I started off.  So I scratched that idea.  I'll try this again.  Every pronoun I was once used to, has now changed.  For nearly 13 years all the pronouns remained the same.  It was OUR kids and OUR home and OUR cat.  Now it's MY kids, MY home, HIS cat (he he he).   It's like having a kid and when they turn 12 change their name!  See how quickly you can keep up.
I stammer through most conversation quickly correcting every pronoun in the sentence.  "These are our, I mean my children."  "No we can't come over to play my husband, I mean ex husband is taking our, I mean the kids this weekend to our, I mean my apartment."  Seriously it's exhausting.
My New Suggested Strategy:
"Hey kids from my uterus, you can not go to any one's house just get in the damn car."  Think this will work?  (Yes, I'll be giving myself the Mother of the Year Award next week...agreed)

2.Today I went and got my haircut.  First haircut since August when my hair girl moved away.  I started telling my new wonderful girl how desperate I was to get it cut because it was looking so thin and flimsy.  She runs her fingers through my hair, "Honey are you okay?"  I look around confused.  "Umm, yeah why?"  Wonderful hair girl, "Well I've never seen your hair so thin, are you under a lot of stress?"
I almost fell out of my chair.  Crap!  Now those around me are noticing the bags under my eyes and my thinning hair.  The weight loss was nice, I'll admit that.  But noticing my hair was thinning from stress was awful.  So I sat there the next few minutes thinking about the pile of hair I keep finding in my shower in the morning, my pillow covered with hair when I wake up for the past 8 months and never once did I think maybe it was from stress.  I thought I was doing pretty good hiding the outward signs of stress, hell I've been staying on top of this whole eyebrow plucking thing.  (Who the hell came up with that idea anyway?! ) I mean I wouldn't want someone to look at me and think, "Look at those eyebrows that poor thing must be so stressed she doesn't even have time to pluck!" Ha!

3.That last one is a little sad.  My Mother warned me early on but I didn't give it much thought.  As I found some courage and began to tell those around me that I was getting a divorce a line began to form.  Friends/Family who supported me on one side and those who didn't on the other.  People's perceptions and feelings regarding their own marriages crept out in advice to me.  Lines were drawn and even some friendships lost along the way.  Maybe some felt they needed to pick a side, maybe for some it hit too close to home, maybe.....oh I have no idea.  The friends who stood beside me, called me to just check in and let me vent angry, heated curse words through the process were front and center. For them I am ever grateful.  For those friendship I lost along the way, I wish them well. 

The good news is I'm still standing here.  My speech is impaired from the process of ever changing pronouns and my hair appears to be thinning but I'm standing here, strong and surrounded by the people who support.

Okay the thinning hair thing kinda sucks!

But don't my eyebrows rock?!

Lets Fire the Parenting Book Authors!!

I know I've been missing from the blog lately and some of you might have been worried, but fear not I am still here.  What have I been up to you ask? 

Scouring those damn parenting book.  Last week I laid out each parenting book and read each of the seven books hoping to find the answers to my parenting problem.  Was it there....noooo!  Who writes these books?

Seriously, are the only concerns the majority of these Mothers have are how to sneak veggies into the food, what developmental stage your kid should be at ___ age.  C'mon, if your kid can't hop on one foot at three....who really cares.  He'll figure it out, eventually and if he doesn't?  Well have you ever heard someone say, "We would have given you the (1. presidency  2. job 3. lottery winnings 4. Kindergarten diploma) _______ but since you can't hop on one leg, sorry pal!!"

Lets deal with some real issues.  Like a favorite at my house.  One that makes me pull my graying hair out.

My four year old refuses to chew his food.  Let me be more specific, he refuses to chew any food that isn't candy, cookies or ice cream.  Typically dinner looks like this.

5:30 pm Children sit at the table and begin eating dinner.
5:31-5:35 Whining about what is on his plate
Me: Just eat!
5:36 Takes first full bite
6:05 Still chewing first full bite
Me: B chew your food, eat or no ______ (fill in with any offer like Disneyland, puppy, move into Toys R Us, doesn't matter, NOTHING works)
6:34 Drinks glass of water, food remains in mouth
Me: B Chew and Swallow, please!
6:35 Puts three more bites of food into his mouth
6:56 More chewing
Me: More yelling, eyes rolling back in my head, pulling hair from my head
7:30 Put B to bed and I suspect he still has food in his cheek.

If anyone has a parenting book that addresses this issue please feel free to mail it to me, send me the name or just beat me over the head with it.  In the meantime I'll be looking into Soft Food Ideas for the Stubborn Four Year Old.

Pot Roast Smoothies?  Mixed Veggies and Vanilla Ice Cream Shake?  Sweet Potato and Steak Puree? Chicken ala......

Happy Valentine's Day

I love these boys!!!

Hope you're with the one(s) you love today too.

Happy Valentine's Day from Mommy Wishdom!

Humor...not so much.

We've hit a new stage in our house.

Seven year old humor.

(oh the sounds of collective groans of those gone before me....did you hear it?)

I remember when my nephew hit this stage.  His humor went from intentionally timed one liners that left us laughing so hard and then the awkward seven year old humor stepped in and all that was left was the sound of.........crickets.  Unless you're are seven, and then you find other seven year olds hysterical.

My seven year old is there.  Maybe it's just because we've spent the last two days attached at the hip while he was home sick, or maybe I'm lacking patience or most likely he's not made for comedy.

Here's the problem with 7 Year Old Humor;  they say something, anything and if you react they repeat over and over and over and over and over until they've beat any sense of funny right out of it.  As the adult you have to be ready.  If you react to quickly and laugh you must be prepared to hear the same thing for the next four days....continuously!  While you are trying to escape, desperately looking for sharp items to shove in your ears, he's repeating himself over and over waiting for your laugh. 

It's endless.  If you have a four year old in the house, it's even worse.  Repeating B does everything his cooler, older brother does....you guessed it...over and over and over.

So if you see me in the corner, mumbling and I've got my crazy eyes on.....don't start with humor when you approach me. 

Mother of the Year Award

This weeks Mother of the Year Award goes to an anonymous Mother.

A few weeks ago I watched this Mom walking into school with her daughter.  I'm guessing her daughter is in first maybe second grade.  They're are arguing and I'm working hard to tune out the banter between my boys.

Mother: I'm serious!  Those shoes need to be put away.  It's too cold outside to be wearing flip flops to school.  You can put them away until the Spring.

Daughter: Okay Mom! (She shrugs and maybe even an eye roll, practicing for puberty?)

Mother:  I'm not kidding.  If you don't put them away, I'll throw them away.

In my head I'm offering her an Oscar Award for that performance.  She sounds believable.  As Moms we all know she's not going to throw them away.  Throwing them away means throwing away the $5 we spent at Old Navy for those shoes.  And if that's not bad enough, having to spend another $5 to buy more because she'll need some as soon as the weather warms up.  Because come summertime, we will not stand there and wait for tennis shoes to be shoved on and tied.  No we'll stand there tapping our foot, counting the things we still have to get done while our children are tying their shoelaces. Oh hell no, this is Arizona.  It's ten thousand degrees outside.  Shove your feet in those flip flops and lets go.

So my thoughts tangent off to how she'll get around getting those shoes out of the way.  I do agree with her, it's entirely too cold to be wearing flip flops.

Later after all the parents have shuffled their children to class and we're heading back to our cars, I see Flip Flop Mom.  I'm half tempted to congratulate her on her speech.  In my head I am, but my filter is entirely too intact to allow myself to actually utter the words.  Only occasionally does that happen.  I imagine her with a crown and cape.  As I'm watching her flowing cape I look down and realize......she's wearing flip flops.

So for you Anonymous Flip Flop Mom...here is your Mother of the Year Award.