(Conversation In My Car yesterday morning discussing whether there was fog the previous night.)
Me: I don’t know if there was fog but that is condensation on the windows.
Xman: Condensation! I’ve been learning about that in school.
BB: I know all about condensation, we learned about that already.
Xman: Well I already knew all about it too, I just forgot the name.
BB: Well I knew all about it and the name too.
N: (puts headphones back on his head)
Me: (turns the volume way up on the radio to Maroon 5 singing ‘I don’t wanna know…know…know”)
This is my life.
You can substitute “condensation” for ANY other word and the conversation flows the same. Minecraft, roblox, pokemon, running, eating, jumping, falling down, whether the dog loves one over the other, dominoes, cards, scootering, who can jump the scooter higher, any fact listed on the Brain Games tv show, Bob Ross’ painting skills (YES!!), who brushed their teeth longer, whether or not ___ uses exactly 50% more toothpaste than he should, weather, random facts, who does more chores, who is overworked, who isn’t overworked, who knows who got the last cookie, who wanted the last cookie, whether it will rain, whether it will snow, what shape the clouds look like, is the sunrise pretty, current kangaroo population in Africa, and on and on and on.
Everything is a competition. Everything! It makes me want to yell, “You are all pathological liars!” and shove cotton in my ears so I can’t hear them. Of course if you call them on their lies, they just lie more and how am I supposed to prove whether they knew if Bob Ross always draws his trees from top to bottom. I mean they’ve only seen 2 actual episodes…but what do I know! It’s an argument that isn’t worth arguing which I’m starting to suspect is part of the appeal. Sort of a ‘you can’t prove the lie so I’ll keep making shit up” benefit.
I grew up with older brothers, and they never competed with the only girl, baby in the family. Mr B. has spent his entire life competing with his brother. Literally at 40 years old they still compete! It’s maddening. Is it a boy thing? Is there way to truly tune this out?
Although we haven't actually had the pissing contest, I know it's coming.