Confession: I Am A Yeller!
I never thought I would become a parent who yells. Before my kids were born I had visions of perfectly dressed children who behaved while I floated along behind them in a dress and heels absolutely adoring my children and everything they did. We'd spend the afternoons crafting and playing ball, laughing... Beautiful, right? A friend of mine said it well, "I adored being pregnant. Loved every moment of it. Loved it so much I thought for sure I'd just
be the perfect parent."
I adore my boys. The image I had in my mind is far from reality though.
Our lives are spent getting from one event to another, eating dinner in the car, rush, rush, rush! Most days in order to make it to the next event a little gentle guiding is required. Oh hell.....cattle prodding and yelling is what actually happens. Getting out of the house in the morning requires my blood pressure to be elevated and that vein in forehead to pop out at least 3 days of the week. More importantly what it does is start my kids day with their mother looking like a crazed lunatic. The words they hear in the morning are loud and stressful and mean. Yes, even mean. I lose my patience and say things children shouldn't hear. It hurts to admit it. I'm far from that perfect parent.
When I start to yell, there is a moment of clarity that I know what I'm doing is not helping the situation. Does it stop me? No. Once I'm on a roll....look out!! My boys have even learned when my eyes are bugging out and the sentences are flying out so fast they can barely keep up it's best to offer "yes Mama's" and head nods in order to make it through. I swear even my cat has nodded her head sometimes.
I don't know what makes a parent a yeller. I don't remember my parents being yellers but I called and spoke with my brothers just to clarify.
Todd: "No they never yelled. Mom talked to us without moving her mouth, remember?"
I do! She would clinch her lips together and with barely an opening would speak full sentences. "Don't make me come in there you two. If I have to count all the way to three...three." She never raised her voice though. My Dad could raise the volume of his voice but he never yelled at us. "It's daylight in the swamps!" Was at a decibel of 80 but we never cowered in the corner.
After I've dropped my kids off and have had ten minutes to calm down, the guilt kicks in. Everyday I vow to do it better. Try to stop myself even in the middle of a rant, something. Speak in softer tones...anything. Oddly enough I happened upon a blogger this week. She wrote about her own concerns about becoming a Yeller. She decided to challenge herself to 365 of No Yelling! I was amazed and read though some of her posts. I felt inspired but scared too. I already feel like I fail in many ways as a parent and failing this would be another item on the list. I emailed my friend, Mady the blog expecting her to say something like, "Crazy woman!" but instead she emailed back and asked when we should start.
Tomorrow begins our seven days of No Yelling. Yes, I did say 7 days. We wanted to just be aware of it and see how it goes. There are no rules, no guidelines, no consequences if we fail. But the rewards could be beautiful. For us and our kids.
If you would like more information on this,
click here.
I'll keep you posted and let you know how this week goes. Maybe we can even get Mady to write something about how she's doing.
Recognizing the mistakes we make as parents is great, but correcting them is even better.
