Monday, July 27, 2015

When Blending Becomes Chopping

"Blending A Family"

I love this phrase.  Such an idealic scene ensues.  A woman baking away in a kitchen with an apron wrapped around her waist.  Her man standing by with a supportive arm around her shoulders and little children gathered around while she gently stirs the goodies in the bowl.

Blending a Family is probably the furthest thing from that image.  I've done a bit of research and no one is talking about it. You know why.....because no one is blending!

We are chopping. Grating. Grinding!!  I admit, "We Are Chopping Our Family" isn't as quite a socially acceptable phrase.

Have you ever baked bread?  You mix a few ingredients together, add the yeast place a towel over the bowl and let it rise.  All that gooey goodness warming and rising.  Several hours later when that beautiful round ball is ready we peel back the towel and beat it into submission.  That is what blending a family is like!!

Some days mixing his and mine are easy, idyllic.  Other days we feel a little war torn and exhausted by the end of the day. The hurtles are real and blind side us usually at the dinner table.  Some days require a bit more mingling, others require a bit more fusing of the ingredients and some days you need to throw out the whole bowl and start all over again the next day.  

Everyday is different.  
Every moment is real.  
Every opportunity is great and I wouldn't miss a minute of it even if I could.  

Friday, July 10, 2015

Conversation Between Boys

Conversations In My Car

Xman: The most funny thing happened. Do you want to hear?  Our new dog was playing with the other dog and she sniffed her in the vageenie.  I mean vagina.

BB: The what?

Xman: You know girl private parts.

BB: Oh.  Where is that?

Xman: Just below the waist.

BB: In the belly button? That’s weird

XMan: Well that’s what a girl has and a boy has the other word.  You know it starts with a “P”.  Don’t make me spell it.

Xman: “P” you know it right?

Xman: “P” “E”, I am not gonna spell the whole word.

Xman: “P” “E” “N”…don’t make me spell the rest.  I won’t do it. 

Xman: “P” “E” “N” “I”…..I can’t tell you the last letter.

BB: What letter is it?

Xman: “S”

Me: (Why do these conversation happen when Mr. B is not around!)

Monday, June 15, 2015

Overheard In The House

The Nightly Battle

Adult: Go brush your teeth, its time for bed.
7 yr old: I am.

5 minutes pass

Adult: I said go brush your teeth
7 yr old: Okay! I am going.

5 minutes pass

Adult: Brush your teeth now.  Do you want me to show you pictures of what your teeth will look like if you don't brush them?
7 yr old: So you want to punish me by showing me nightmarish pictures?

.....having smart kids sucks sometimes.

Kids: 1
Adults: 0

Monday, June 1, 2015

"Here's A Story...."

Here's a story,
Of a lovely lady,
Who was bringing up two very handsome boys.
All of them had hair the color of mocha,
Like their mother --
The youngest one had a faux hawk.

Here's a story,
Of a man named Mr. B,
Who was bringing up one very handsome boy of his own.
There were two men and a cat,
Living all together,
Yet they were all, alone.

Till the one day when the lady met this fellow,
And they knew it was much more than a hunch,
That this group might somehow form a wild, crazy, zany boy-filled family.
That's the way we all became this CRAZY bunch!

So my blog continues with tales of my life........surrounded by boys.  
And our village
And me Wishing for Wisdom!

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

What Not To Say To A Parent at the End of a School Year

What Not To Say To A Parent At The End of a School Year

1. "New Project Due this week."  Please design an exact replica of the White House built entirely out of recycled toothpicks you collectively got from no less than 30 restaurants around town.  Also attach a 5 page document outlining the steps you took to create your house written entirely in your own blood and sweat and tears!!!

2. "Please send in ________ for school tomorrow."  Anything more than "your child" is entirely too much!  I don't have anymore money for gifts, birthday presents or class auctions.  I have no more money left for fundraising, with only 12 days left of the year doesn't raising money seem rather...moot?

3. Fucking Glue Sticks!!!

4. A field trip form asking the same information about Insurance and Emergency phone calls as the last 6 I sent in this year.  Make a copy!

5. Lunch money.  Sweet jesus....the well is tapped dry people.  Let the kid have lunch for free as a celebratory gift for making it through the year eating school lunches.  "Great job on 8 months of successfully eating questionable school lunches, here's a few on us to show our appreciation."  Its clearly time to clean out the cupboard at school...right?!

6. "Could you.....?" No!!  Do you not see the singed hair on my head?  The crazy look on my face?  One eyeball rolling the opposite direction when one of my kids starts talking?  Do you notice that I'm not longer wearing matching clothes and my kids hair hasn't been brushed in a month?  Stop talking!!

7. .....Anything!!
At this point in the game as a parent we are standing on the ledge.  Fourteen school projects are due this month, 3 book reports, 2 collages, 1 animal mask and a cool item kids would want to bid on to buy.  Sanity......can you put a price on my Sanity?  I don't think the entire 5th grade class has enough cash to buy my sanity back.  Lets not forget the highly suggested extra curricular activity strongly recommended for our kids that I'm driving too twice a week.  I've worked out dinner on the go but my "project preparation" in the back of a Honda Civic is proving difficult.

It's May 5 and I'm done.  The kids are done.  Hell, the teachers are done.  Which why I suspect every "home project" is due this month because they are tired too.  So lets call a spade a spade and do like we used to.  Roll that big TV and VCR into the classroom, turn out the lights and hit play.

Monday, April 6, 2015

BB Interpretations

Bubbly B Interpretations

Bubbly B: Mama N must have been really good before I was born.

Me: What? Why do you say that?

Bubbly B: Because the song goes (in full singing voice) 'From Thy Good To Brotherhood'.  He was so good he got to have a brother!

N: Crap! Is that what happened?  

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Early Selective Listening Skills

Tonight I was putting Bubbly B to bed and this is how our conversation went.

Me: I notice you are really struggling with listening lately.  Why do you think that is?
BB: It's just that when I was born I was really good at listening.  But as I get older my ears are getting clogged.
Me: Clogged?  We could clean them out.
BB:  Well it's like they just want to turn off and not listen anymore.
Me: Can you turn them back on and try harder?
BB: No they do it on their own no matter what I tell them.

It starts so young.....